Post Esophageal Surgery - Now My Life is Literally a Living Nightmare
How much puke can a human body contain?
Breaking What’s Already Broken Even More
Before, I mainly suffered from some regurgitation issues whilst asleep, and a ‘scratchy throat’ feeling that made me want to throw up. I had to avoid different types of foods that could get stuck in the pouches in my esophagus.
Now, I am throwing up almost every night. And I’m not talking about a single episode, or even two or three. I’m talking about near constant vomiting until dawn breaks. The worst episode was until 10am, where whatever was left in my stomach from dinner the previous night rushed up suddenly, and I puked it all over my bed and blanket.
I Am Beyond Exhausted
This isn’t only depressing, but I am beyond exhausted. People and even doctors ask if sleeping pills will help, but the problem isn’t even the ability to sleep or not. The problem is that I can’t even sleep even if I wanted to, and even if my body is near to collapsing from the fatigue. If I took a sleeping pill, all it does is make me even more tired whilst I’m jolted awake every 30 - 60 minutes to throw up.
It makes me wonder about those who live with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Coeliac Disease, Ulcerative Colitis, Gastroparesis or another digestive or motility disorder. How do you deal with symptoms like these, especially when they don’t seem to stop or end, night after night?
A Totally Alien Landscape of Symptoms I Need to Navigate All Over Again
The upper gastrointestinal (upper GI) doctor gave me some acarbose to take with meals, but it doesn’t seem to be doing too much. He also said that I should be able to eat anything by now as quite some time has passed since the surgery, but I have found that to be False with a capital F. I am still mostly on a soft food diet.
They did say I have something called Dumping Syndrome, which is when food gets ‘dumped’ from the stomach to the small intestine too quickly. Hypoglycaemia is also one of the symptoms of the syndrome. Acarbose, which is also used to manage diabetes, is supposed to help slow that down.
The weird thing is that I do get acute onset type symptoms, but as delayed reactions. I get cold sweats, nausea, bloatedness, and other uncomfortable sensations from up in my throat to my gut, right down to my bowels. I thought I had a stroke during my worst episode as half my face was drooping and numb, and my eye was all twitchy.
I was also scheduled for another barium swallow test to find out what could be wrong. I am still waiting for the final report, but the doctor who conducted the test did say that I was having severe acid reflux (GERD). He wasn’t able to tell me much about what was up with my intestines, as that wasn’t what the test was for.
So I think the esophageal surgery expedited or created two new problems, both in the upper and lower sections of the digestive tract - different yet related issues. Everything is broken, and it isn’t that I feel like I currently have no life - instead, I know for sure that I don’t.
Dinner Phobia
I have developed a phobia that kicks in come dinner time, as my body begins to anticipate another horrible, pain-filled night. I need to constantly analyse and calculate what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat, and predict how much damage it might cause - which still has an element of randomness to it regardless.
I remember becoming so fed up one evening that I decided, “you know what? Since I’m going to throw up anyway, I might as well eat whatever I please”. Ironically, I did not throw up that night. And no, it isn’t psychological. I tried the same ‘tactic’ again the following night but it didn’t work. That makes it extra frustrating, because there’s no fixed pattern or rule book to follow.
In the daytime, I tend to get the ‘vomiting’ from below instead of the top. So I also need to constantly anticipate my schedule for the day, to see if I need to take Lomotil to slow motility down instead, or risk an embarrassing explosion outside.
So Many Problems, Which Doctor to See First?
And by ‘schedule’ I mean doctor appointments. My weeks are packed with these to the point where I’m having trouble rescheduling some of them because the timings are all clashing. The problem is that they’re all important appointments, but the next available date is a couple months away, which adds to the stress.
Which specialist should I see first? Which problem do I need to fix first? Definitely the post esophageal surgery issues, and….. the cardiologist and echocardiogram appointment, or the colorectal surgery one? They will both require surgery as well. But which surgery is more urgent, per sé?
I Don’t Know What for or Why, But I’m Still Ticking Away
All I know is that I’m so, so, so tired. I don’t even know why I am still going through the motions, either. The medical appointments, the vomiting, the trying to keep food down, etc etc. Nothing seems to help, and I have sort of given up, yet I keep going, for some reason or the other.
Anyway, I will share more about the esophageal surgery in detail on my blog soon-ish. I just wanted to give a more free flow update on what I’ve been dealing with and how it’s been like here on SubStack. See you for another proper episode on the blog soon!
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"Dinner Phobia". - the anticipation itself - the anxiety that comes with it is another whole set of things to deal with. I cannot imagine how things are for you, but thank you for sharing and building awareness on this. I'm sure someone, somewhere, who may not be believed or be well supported will not feel alone. Hugs Sheryl.
Oh my!